


Drove Me To The Fire

by PumpkinRiver



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF
Genre: Eating Disorder, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-23
Updated: 2010-02-23
Packaged: 2017-10-07 12:12:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PumpkinRiver/pseuds/PumpkinRiver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Adam's obsession with his appearance takes a dangerous turn will he be able to save himself in time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drove Me To The Fire

**Author's Note:**

> This was written August 2009 in the middle of the Idol Tour based on the prompt of "Adam ends up with an eating disorder of some kind on tour and the other idols help him deal with it. I just really want a whole group friendship/comfort kind of fic."

_Fucking shitty cocksucking fuck!_

“Fame, makes a man take things over.”

Adam slid around the stage as he had done night after night for the past few months. If his body seemed to stumble slightly more than was normal….well….the fans in the audience knew that he liked to try new things every so often. Maybe he was trying to start a fashion trend out of a jerky dance.

_I could be paying homage to Madonna circa Ray of Light……Oh god why can’t I focus? Just stick to the beat. Find the beat and keep it. _

“Let’s dance to the song that they’re playing on the radio.”

Adam span around.

_Shit where’s the audience?_

When he stopped turning he was facing the right-hand side of the stage. He could see Matt, Michael, Lil, Megan and Anoop stood watching him from the wings. Catching Anoop’s worried gaze Adam was caught off guard.

“Let’s sway through the crowd to an empty space.”

_Shit I nearly forgot that line._

The world was spinning and Adam had to look at the stage floor to try and find his balance. He couldn’t get his eyes to focus on anything. This was worse than any of the headrushes he’d had in the past few weeks and it didn’t feel like it was going to end anytime soon. Throughout his life he’d been high and he’d been drunk off his ass, and in both situations he felt as if he had more control over his actions than he did now. And at least those were his choices.

_This is your choice you fat freak. You did this to yourself._

The pain in his stomach was a comforting and well known quantity. He was used to it. He liked it. It made him feel in control, like he was achieving something. But this lack of focus, his rapidly slipping concentration, was not in his game plan. He knew the front row could see the glassy look in his eyes.

_Great, now there’ll be photos all over the net about how I’m on drugs or something. _

He just had to make sure he was in the right place on the lift when it started its descent. Where was the lift?

_Huston we have a problem!! Get it together Lambert, you are not going to fuck this up._

Adam couldn’t see straight enough to see the lift and he didn’t think there was a subtle way to shake his head to clear it. He wasn’t even sure that would work. Looking at the audience Adam hoped his terror was not visible to the crowd below. Moving to what he perceived to be the centre of the stage he took his final pose.

_Thank fuck for that._

Adam almost cried in relief as the stage started to move below him and he was lowered into the depths of the venue. The lift had barely stopped moving before a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him off. Losing his footing Adam stumbled. Three more hands joined the one that was still gripping his wrist as they tried to keep him from falling. A pair of arms wrapped round him and held him up while the hand that paired with the one holding his wrist gripped the front of his outfit firmly.

Adam looked into the face in front of him.

_Shit he’s really angry._

Fear and anger warred in Kris’s eyes as they searched Adam’s. Occasionally they would glance over Adam’s shoulder at the person holding him up. No one said anything. A stagehand tried to pull Kris away and onto the lift but he batted them away. Adam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes he looked Kris straight in the face for what felt like the first time in a month.

“I think I need help.”

A small smile appeared on Kris’s face at the words. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out a granola bar and placed it in Adam’s hand.

“We’ll talk afterwards. Eat this for now.”

He looked over Adam’s shoulder again. The person trying to get Kris on the lift was getting more frantic.

“You got him Danny?”  
“I’ve got him.”

Kris leaned in and placed a kiss on Adam’s cheek before finally allowing himself to be led to his opening position.

“You ready man?”

Adam looked back at the man still supporting most of his weight. He could see that Danny was still in the red shirt from his set.

_I wonder if he was even given the chance to change. Maybe Kris grabbed him straight off the stage. _

Adam straightened himself up but didn’t move away from the arms holding him. A feeling of peace had descended with the acknowledgment that perhaps he really did need someone else’s help. That maybe he didn’t have everything under control as he always claimed he did.

“You know what Danny. I think I really am.”

Together they made their way back to the dressing room for the final costume change of the night.

  


** 4 Weeks Earlier **

  
For once Adam had some time to himself. And in an actual hotel, not the coffin on wheels. No press. No recording. No promotion. Just himself, his room, and whatever he chose to do with his time.

He had already taken a long bath but was not, as he guessed Kris probably was, sitting around in a robe feeling grand. He didn’t like hanging out undressed, didn’t want to see the layers of fat that he had put on since the whole Idol process started. He knew that everyone had put on some weight during the competition; with the amount of crap they ate how could they not? But he hadn’t lost it afterwards the way the others had. It’s not like he wasn’t trying. He was doing arm curls before going on stage each night. He was working out in the gym with Matt and Anoop. He had stopped reaching for the ice-cream as much and was staying the hell away from Scott’s chocolate and Kris’s BBQ. But the weight just wasn’t coming off.

_That’s because you’re not really putting much effort in. You need to diet properly._

Adam had seen the images that people had put together online. The photos of him from those last weeks on the show placed right next to the ones of him in the clubs a few years ago. God he’d looked good then. Slim and fierce and sexy and not at all chunky.

_Chunky!!! Yeah right. I think you mean fat._

Sitting at the table in his hotel room Adam looked down at his stomach. He poked it a little.

_Well I can do something about that. I just need to be a little bit stricter with myself._   
****

  
3 Weeks Earlier

Adam was sat in his bunk as the tour moved to……

_No fucking clue but somewhere the tweens scream just as loud as everywhere else._

He could hear Anoop laughing in the kitchenette of the bus. Matt must have just made a joke about something. The smell of a toasted cheese sandwich wafted its way to the bunks. Adam turned on his side and tried to ignore it.

_They’re going to call you soon. What excuse are you going to use today?_

He had managed to avoid as many meals as possible. Lunch was the easiest; he could claim he was taking a nap or feign a headache. Breakfast was never missed, he’d read that if you start the day with something healthy in your stomach it’ll start your digestive system up and will actually help you loose weight more than not eating. So an apple and a cup of coffee for breakfast had become the norm. He drank multiple cups of tea throughout the day as the caffeine helped fill his stomach without really adding any calories, although the water retention was a bitch. He chewed all his food more than was necessary because it made him want to eat less. And he’d taken to chewing gum a lot. It was a trick he’d learnt from the dancers during the Hair tour. Keep the stomach acids going to make sure as much food was broken up as possible. He still wasn’t sure that one worked but hell, anything was worth a try. And dinner…..well……that had become a bit of a song and dance routine because usually they ate together at the venues but he was managing.

_If only I could get the smell of that food out of my head!!_

Caught in his reverie as he was the sound of his bunk curtain being opened made him jump.

“Dude, food time.”

Adam rolled over to see Kris staring at him. Adam’s stomach took that moment to rumble.

_Traitor!_

Kris poked his stomach.

“See, your body agrees with me. Food time.”  
“I’m up.”

Adam rolled out of bed and his head started to spin. Reaching to support himself on the bunks his knees felt weak and he quickly sat down on the lowest bunk.

“Woah. Headrush. Must have gotten up too quickly.”  
“Yeah or maybe old age is kicking in.”  
“I’m not sure age causes that man.”

Adam stood back up and they made their way towards the rest of their tour mates.

“Well I’m using you as my old age barometer so we’ll see.”  
“Danny’s older than me.”  
“Yeah but I’ll be seeing more of you so I’ll have more data.”  
“You are a strange little man Kristopher Allen.”  
“Are you only just working that out Lambert?”  
“Keep laughing Giraud and I won’t tell you that Noop just handed you salt instead of sugar.”

Adam watched as Matt looked down at his hand which was currently pouring what looked like sugar, and was coming out of the sugar holder, into his coffee. Matt looked between Anoop and Kris.

“I watched him swap out the contents this morning.”  
“Dude!” Anoop yelled at Kris.  
“Dude!!!!” Matt turned horrified to Anoop. Anoop just grinned back.  
“I dare you to drink it.” Matt stared at Anoop and then down at the cup in his hand.  
“What will you give me?”  
“The honour of not being a wuss.”

Everyone in the kitchen was now watching the two men. Adam felt a cup being placed into his hand, recognised the smell of coffee, and looked up at Todd.

“It’s saltless I promise.” Todd smiled at him and Adam smiled back.  
“Thanks.”

_Yet another thing to add to my ‘is Todd flirting with me?’ file._

Taking a sip of the coffee Adam looked back at the scene unfolding before him. Matt was still contemplating taking the bet.

“Alright”

_Apparently he didn’t have to think too hard about it._

Adam reached over and grabbed a banana from the pile. He ignored Kris’s look.

“Matt that’s revolting." Danny piped up from the couch on which he was sat.  
“You’ll make yourself sick.” Michael pointed out, ever the voice of reason, from his position on the couch opposite Danny.

Adam watched as Matt looked at both him and Kris. He saw Kris shrug his shoulders. Matt looked back at Anoop’s smirking face and then quickly downed the drink in one go.

“JESUS CHRIST THAT’S HOT!!”  
“I didn’t mean burn your mouth dude!!!”

Matt was waving air into his mouth trying to cool it down when all of a sudden he gagged, brought his hand to his mouth and ran to the bathroom.

The sound of puking could be heard throughout the bus. Adam rolled his eyes and headed over to the couch.

“I told him.”  
“That you did.” Adam stepped over Michael’s legs and sat by the window. He started to peel the banana.  
“Is that all you’re eating?” Michael nodded at the fruit.  
“I had a big breakfast.”

_Well you’re getting better at lying._

Adam missed the look Kris threw him just as he had missed Kris sitting tucked in the corner earlier in the day when he had collected his regular breakfast of an apple.

The sound of throwing up stopped and Matt emerged from the bathroom.

“Drink some water idiot.” Anoop handed Matt a mug.  
“I may be an idiot but I’m not a wuss.” Anoop didn’t even bother to respond. “And hey, at least I don’t have to worry about those 3 doughnuts I ate earlier.”

_Well that’s an idea I hadn’t thought of._

  
** 2 Weeks 5 Days Earlier: **

  
Kris, Allison and Adam sat in the LA Roadhouse Route 66 Restaurant in LAX airport. They had nearly gone to the Wolfgang Puck Express they had passed but no one had actually wanted the food they served and Adam reckoned that going there because of the name was probably taking a joke too far. They had all flown out during their one day off yesterday to work on their albums and were now waiting for their flight back to rejoin the tour. Allison and Adam had been expecting to have a bit of a lie in and arrive at the airport just before their flight was due to leave. However Kris had declared that they didn’t get enough time anymore to hang out with just the three of them and that they needed to meet for breakfast. Neither Allison nor Adam could ever say no to Kris so here they were.

Kris tucked into a muffin, bagel, orange juice and bowl of cereal. Allison had gone for a full American breakfast. Adam had wanted to order his usual piece of fruit and coffee but Kris had ordered for him while he’d been in the toilet. It had been a surprise when the waitress placed same meal Kris eating in front of him.

Adam would have objected but on his way back he’d overheard Kris and Allison’s conversation and had changed his mind. He couldn’t help but play Allison’s words over in his head as he sat there and chewed ten times on every piece of bagel he put in his mouth.

~~~~~~~~~~

“I thought Adam wanted some fruit?”  
“Yeah well he can have this instead.”  
“Kris?”  
“It’s nothing Ali.”  
“Adam thinks he’s fat doesn’t he?”  
“Adam’s mistaken.”  
“He probably thinks I’m fat as well.”  
“What! Why would you say that?”  
“Well I’m bigger than him. Look at me! God I’ve just ordered a load of fried food maybe I should change my order.”  
“You’ll do nothing of the sort young lady. You eat whatever the hell you want.”  
“But I don’t want to be fat.”  
“You’re beautiful just as you are which is not fat in the slightest. Plus, Adam’s an idiot so I wouldn’t use him as a good judge.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Adam had been able to hear the anger in Kris’s voice at Allison’s uncertainty. He had decided then and there to eat whatever was put in front of him and to steal some of Allison’s food when it arrived. She could not be allowed to doubt herself this way. Adam knew Hollywood, he knew what it would try to do to the headstrong 17 year old girl. He had promised himself when he first met her that he would protect her from the fucktardery that came with the entertainment industry as much as possible. If that meant showing her that fried foods were not the enemy…

_But they are!_

…then that was what he would do.

So when the food turned up, surprised as he was by the amount Kris had ordered for him, he had thanked Kris and cautiously tucked into his muffin. He had even reached over and grabbed a bit of bacon from Allison’s plate.

_God I can feel the grease. I can feel myself getting fatter as I sit here._

Attempting to ignore the voice in his head he let the conversation carry on around him and before he knew it they were finished and ready to head to their boarding gate.

“I’m just going to use the toilet.”  
“But you only went half an hour ago!” Kris stared at him intently.  
“Oh honey aren’t you feeling well?” Allison’s worried voice cut through Kris’s gaze.  
“I’m fine baby girl. I just don’t want to be caught short and have to use the ones on the plane. I can think of so many things that those toilets are useful for but not one of those is going to happen with you two so I’d rather not have to use the less than pleasant facilities.” Adam added a wink at the end because he knew it would get Allison laughing. He was right and it had the upside of distracting Kris as well.

Adam grabbed his bag and made his way to the toilets. He hadn’t forgotten his thought from a couple of days ago but had not yet had to put it into practice. He washed his hands in the sink before heading into the only stall. He put his bag on the hook and locked the door behind him. Crouching near the toilet he placed his index and middle finger in his mouth. He didn’t move them any further than his tongue.

_Come on, just think off all the carbs that bagel had, all the sugar in the muffin and all the everything in the bacon!!_

His hand still didn’t move.

_It’s not like you’ve not done this before. Just think of all the times you’ve made yourself puke to get some of the alcohol out of your system. Or how about that one time you tried K? It made you feel better then didn’t it!_

Adam worried about the effect on his vocal chords of the stomach acids.

_Oh you can not be this pathetic. Please tell me we are not this pathetic! You’re so fucking useless that you can’t even throw up properly._

Adam moved his fingers till they were touching the back of his throat. He waited but nothing happened.

_Well you’ve tamed your gag reflex over the years haven’t you idiot._

Moving his fingers around in the back of his throat Adam pushed them just that little bit further. He felt himself heave. Pulling his fingers out as quickly as possible he moved so his head was over the toilet and threw up the small amount in his stomach.

Moving out of the stall Adam washed his hands again, splashed his face with some water and fixed his hair. Rummaging in his bag he grabbed a piece of chewing gum. Placing his bag over his shoulder Adam left the toilets and rejoined his friends.

Kris looked at him questioningly. Adam looked just past Kris’s head, refusing to meet his eyes.

_I really wish he’d stop doing that. I feel like a bug he’s examining._

“You ready?”  
“I’m always ready Kristopher.”

Adam grinned at his friend and was a little surprised when he didn’t receive one back. Kris simply picked up his bag and moved next to Allison who was bouncing on the balls of her feet waiting for them.

“Come on slow pokes. You’ve got to hear my new song. It’s so frigging cool dudes.”

Adam grinned at her enthusiasm and followed along behind them. He felt tired again and was looking forward to being able to sleep on the plane. He couldn’t remember the last time he had Allison’s energy. He really wished he could.

  


** 2 Weeks Earlier: **

Adam stood at the mirror in his room and stared at himself. They had just gotten back from that night’s concert and were being given the honour of being allowed to sleep in actual beds as opposed to bunks. He ignored the, by now, constant ache in his stomach.

_If you’re ever full it means you’ve eaten too much. This pain, this is a sign that you’re doing the right thing. Isn’t there that saying beauty is pain?_

He pulled his T-Shirt up and turned sideways.

_Fuck it it’s not fair!_

Adam couldn’t understand how even though he’d cut out most of his meals he hadn’t lost any weight at all. His stomach was still rounded and flabby. His thighs had, if anything, grown. And his face…..god his face…..talk about puffy. Kris was getting more and more toned as the tour went on and he ate anything put in front of him, hell, he ate **everything** put in front of him. Yet here Adam was, he hadn’t eaten a ‘real’ meal in over a week and yet he wasn’t loosing a damn thing.

_What more can I do?_

Turing back to face the front Adam grabbed his stomach and held it in his palm.

_If I were the right size I wouldn’t be able to do that!_

Adam felt tears welling up in his eyes. This was his career and he was going to fuck it up by being too big. All the girls who wanted to fuck him even though they knew he didn’t play for their team. All the cougars who flung their underwear at him. All those people who didn’t give a fuck that he was gay because they still found him attractive would run in the other direction if they ever saw what he really looked like. Without all the glitter, without all the layers of clothes, without the mask. They’d see the fat, ugly, acne scarred, puffy, bloated, old, cellulite covered freak that he saw.

Adam was so caught up in his despair that he didn’t hear his hotel door open.

“Hey Adam, me and Matty were going to….”

Adam turned round in shock at the voice. Anoop stood in front of the closing room door.

_Fuck, you have got to get out of the habit of leaving the door on the latch. _

Anoop had his IPhone in one hand and his jacket in the other. He had stopped moving and talking when Adam turned around. Adam saw Anoop’s eyes track down his chest and stomach.

_He’s disgusted with how big you’ve gotten. Look at the revulsion on his face! You did that! _

Adam quickly and roughly pulled his T-Shirt back down and started picking at the hem.

“What do you want?” He sounded harsher than he meant to but he needed Anoop gone now.  
“Umm….the guy at the bar downstairs said there’s a really cool viewing spot not too far from here so me and Matt were just about to head out to see the stars. We wondered if you wanted to join us?”

Adam really did. The idea of just loosing himself in stars seemed like the most perfect idea in the world at the moment.

_You need to work out. You don’t have time for stargazing._

“Thanks for the offer Noop but I think I’m just going to sleep. Been a long week you know?”

Adam noticed that Anoop didn’t even attempt to convince him to change his mind.

_Either you look really tired or he just doesn’t want anything to do with your fat ass._

Instead Anoop started opening the door behind him.

“Yeah dude, I know.” The look on Anoop’s face said differently.

He was just about to walk out of the room when he turned back to Adam.

“If you want to talk about anything you know you can come to me right? I mean, I know there’s other people but I’m here as well okay?”

Adam couldn’t meet his friend’s eye and lie straight to him so he looked at his nails and started picking at the polish.

“I know.”

Anoop still paused at the door.

_Please leave!!!_

“Okay….well…..sleep well. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Anoop let the door close behind him as he left. Adam moved over to the door and locked it.

_You should have done that earlier._

He removed his jeans and T-Shirt and sat down on the ground. He hooked his feet under the base of the bedside table.

_I think 500. Then maybe some press-ups. _

Placing his arms in a cross over his chest Adam lay on the ground. He was tired, he felt a little light-headed…

_When don’t you._

…and he really did want to just go to bed. Sighing Adam took a deep breath and started his crunches.****

 

 

** 1 Week 6 Days Earlier: **

Adam ached everywhere. Maybe he’d gone overboard with the exercise last night. He’d over slept and missed breakfast, which wasn’t such a bad thing, but he’d also not left himself enough time to get ready either. So wearing his beanie and a giant pair of sunglasses he quickly made his way from his room to the entrance of the hotel where he knew they would all be waiting to make the journey to the venue for the day’s press and the evening’s show.

Reaching the lobby he saw his friends sitting and standing in groups chatting away. Allison, Danny, Scott and Todd were laughing on a couch in the corner of the lobby. Michael and Lil were chatting by the exit. Matt was nowhere to be seen.__

At least I’m not the only one running late.

What worried Adam the most was the huddled group of Anoop, Kris and Megan. The three were talking in hushed tones and looking tense. While he could tune in to the other conversations from where he stood, theirs he couldn’t hear at all. When Megan saw Adam enter the lobby they stopped talking and looked at him. Worry was clear in all three pairs of eyes.

_Well that can’t be good._

Anoop and Megan, realising they were staring, looked abruptly away and started what was obviously a very different conversation. Kris pointedly refused to look away and it was left to Adam to be the first to break eye contact.

“Adam!”

Adam looked towards the voice and saw Todd waving him over. Relived at being provided with an excuse to move Adam went and sat down next to Allison on the couch.

“I noticed you missed breakfast this morning so…” Todd handed Adam a coffee, banana and croissant. “I know you usually have an apple but a banana has more energy and Anoop said you were tired…and how often do you get the chance for a freshly baked croissant!”

_Did he just blush!! _

“Thank you.” Adam smiled at Todd as he took the breakfast from him. He couldn’t help but notice the slightly smug look Scott was giving Todd’s general direction.

_Oh yeah, there’s definitely something going on here. Interesting. Do I mind?_

Adam took a sip of his coffee and was just about to peel his banana when the human whirlwind that was Matt turned up.

“Don’t worry people. I’m here. The day can now officially begin.”  
“Silly me for thinking the day began hours ago when I woke up!!”  
“Aww Lil, you know that your day doesn’t start until you’ve had the pleasure of my company.”  
“I’m not too sure pleasure is the word I’d use but whatever you say baby.”

Matt then focused his attention on the group on the couch.

“Lambert. What was up with last night? We missed you.”

_Remember what you told Anoop, you were tired. _

“I was tired Matty.”  
“Yeah well, whatever you said to Anoop had him in a weird mood all night. It was the least relaxing stars watching I’ve ever done. I even tweeted about how un-relaxing he was.”  
“I just told him I was tired.”  
“Yeah well it looked like he’d walked in on you….you know…walking the dog.”  
“No Matt I do not know.”  
“You know…stroking the log, smacking the…”  
“I think we get the idea Matt.” Danny hurriedly interrupted trying to subtlety indicate at Allison as he did.

_Subtlety’s really not your strong point is it Danny._

“Nope. Just tired.”  
“Boring!” And with that Matt got up off of the couch and made his way over to Anoop, Megan and Kris.

_Well at least they’ve stopped whispering to each other._

“Okay people, the van is outside. It’s time to make a move.” Allison’s handler had obviously been given the job of getting them all to the arena today.

Adam stood up and again was almost floored by headrush. Reaching out to steady himself his hand made contact with someone. He felt hands grab his arm in an attempt to support him.

“You okay man?”

Adam waited for his head to clear and then looked over at Kris who was still holding his arm.

“Yeah. Obviously stood up too quickly.”  
“You’ve been doing that a lot recently.” Adam didn’t like the tone in Kris’s voice. There was a hint of sarcasm in it and it was not the trusting one he was used to.  
“Must just be tiredness.”

Kris gave him a look of disbelief and Adam pulled his arm out of Kris’s grasp.

“Yeah, tiredness.”

_Well that was definitely sarcasm. _

Adam picked up the banana and coffee, leaving the croissant on the couch, and quickly moved away from Kris and towards a very animated Matt. He noticed Anoop and Megan’s hesitation in following and their rejoining with Kris. What he didn’t see was Michael and Lil also heading for the little group. Nor did he see the worried looks that they were all throwing his way.

**   
**

** 1 Week 2 Days Earlier: **

Adam was tired and hungry and frustrated and angry. He was sitting by himself at a table in the makeshift cafeteria at the arena. He was attempting to radiate his mood through the room so people would know to leave him the hell alone.

_That interfering little shit!! _

That afternoon Kris had used everything in his power as the current Idol and arranged it so that Adam had been pulled from every bit of press they were currently doing. He’d apparently made up some lie about Adam feeling sick and being unable to do anymore press. Normally Adam would have been thrilled for the break but he hated that Kris felt he could take control of Adam’s life like that. When Adam had asked him what the hell he was playing at Kris has replied that Adam really needed to watch their last interview back and then come and tell him he was capable of continuing.

_It wasn’t that bad!_

Adam was aware that the interview he and Kris had done for E! that morning had perhaps not been his finest hour but still…

_I think you’re forgetting about the fact that you found it so hard to concentrate that you barely answered any questions and those you did answer made you sound more than slightly mad._

Adam was glad it had been Ryan interviewing them, even though it was through a satellite link, because he had covered for Adam’s admittedly slightly strange answers and not gone for blood the way some interviewers would have. Kris had made an excuse saying they were both really tired and made most of Adam’s strange replies into a joke. Adam thought they’d gotten away with it.

When they’d gotten into the car afterwards Adam had thanked Kris but had received only a snapped answer that he needed to get his “shit together soon before you kill your career or yourself”. Adam had no idea what Kris was talking about. Maybe he was just mad an Adam in general.

_He can’t really be that upset that I’ve turned down his offer for to hang out the past few days! He always wants to meet for dinner and that’s just not going to happen. His timing sucks._

Before they’d even gotten out of the car Kris had been on the phone to their handlers telling them to make sure Adam was pulled from every bit of press for his own sake and the reputation of Idol. Adam was pretty sure they couldn’t give two hoots about his welfare but the idea of tarnishing the Idol machine was enough to get him swiftly removed from all press for the foreseeable future.

_I wasn’t THAT bad! _

Kris hadn’t spoken to him for the rest of the day apart from to yell at him to “go eat something” as he walked away from Adam.

_I don’t think Kris understands the principles of dieting._

Adam hadn’t seen Kris for the rest of the day. Or any of the others for that matter. So here he was in this depressing room sat by himself with a plate of lettuce, 1 tomato, 6 slices of cucumber, an apple and a sweet tea in front of him.

_I wonder how many calories an apple has? I’ve not been eating a lot but I’m still not seeing any difference. Maybe the apples aren’t helping._

Adam’s phone chirped at him. He had a txt message.

[saw u on e. &lt;3 the jacket. might want to accessorize it with less collarbone. b x]

Adam smiled at the message from his ex. The interview must have just played. His phone chirped again.

[hey baby. u feeling ok? u dont look so good! luv u!]

Adam hit the reply button on his phone and quickly typed out that he was fine, maybe it was the lighting in the studio, and he missed Drake too. He was just putting his phone down when it chirped again.

_Don’t usually get this many replies to an interview. Hell, I didn’t think this many people still watched my interviews._

[I’m off work sick so I’m sat at home channel flicking. Who should appear on my television but my ridiculously overexposed big bro. And I’m watching and thinking to myself, is Kris getting bigger? Because he didn’t look anywhere near as tiny next to you as he normally does. Mum’s going to freak when she sees.]

_That boy makes no fucking sense sometimes._

His phone went again.

[Seriously dude. Eat something.]

Adam rolled his eyes.

[I’ll kick your ass if you don’t.]

Another second and yet another txt came through.

[Emaciated is not a sexy look superstar. Not even on you.]

Adam turned his phone onto silent and threw it back into his bag.

_Apparently I know two interfering little shits._

Adam had been so engrossed in his deluge of txt messages that he had missed the arrival of the other idols. He didn’t notice until Lil sat down next to him. He could feel her staring at him so he turned to face her.

“Is that all you’re eating?” Lil motioned to his plate. Next to hers it did look rather pathetic.

_But her curves look amazing. Yours do not._

“Oh I’m nearly finished. I had more than this to begin with.”

_The lies slide out so easily now don’t they._

Lil was a better actor than Kris but she still obviously didn’t believe a word he was saying.

“Baby you really need to…”  
“Excuse me.” Lil was interrupted by Michael’s appearance opposite them.

Michael loudly placed his plate and cutlery on the table before walking away to get a drink. His plate was overflowing and Adam was surprised to see that it mainly consisted of two breasts of what appeared to be boiled chicken.

_I thought he preferred fried and who the hell needs two?_

Reappearing Michael sat down and drank from his glass of water.

“Oh gosh. It appears my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I’m never going to eat all of this. Here Adam take some of my chicken, it’ll just go to waste otherwise.”  
“Wait I’m…” Adam flailed a little as Michael paid no attention to him and moved one of the chicken breasts onto Adam’s plate, right in the middle of Adam’s lettuce.

Before Adam could say anything Michael was digging into his own meal. Adam looked over at Lil who was giving Michael a slightly disbelieving look. Noticing Adam staring at her Lil shrugged her shoulders.

“Well you best be eating that now. Can’t let good food go to waste while children starve elsewhere.”

_That’s not playing fair._

Adam didn’t have a response to Lil that wouldn’t make him look like an ass. He stared at the chicken on his plate.

_Maybe if I stare at it long enough it’ll shrink, perhaps it’ll disappear completely._

Anoop sat down on Adam’s free side. Adam saw Michael look at Anoop, quickly shake his head, and then dive back into his food.

Conversation started up around Adam but he didn’t join in.

_Well at least it’s not fried. I know I’m going to throw this back up but I don’t think I could face eating fried chicken even for a second._

Adam’s stomach lurched at even the idea of fried food. Picking up his knife and fork Adam cut a small piece of chicken and picked up a piece of cucumber with it. He ignored the feeling of Michael, Lil and Anoop all watching his actions. Taking a breath Adam quickly placed the food in his mouth. He had to force his gag reflex down and focus on chewing 10 times before swallowing. It was not easy. The food did not sit well in his stomach, but for the moment it had gone down.

Adam looked up from his plate and saw Kris watching him from the next table over where he was sitting with everyone else. Kris had a small smile on his face. Seeing Adam looking at him Kris gave him one of his full smiles and Adam’s heart jumped a little.

_Oh yeah, still WAY too distracting._

Adam quickly looked back down at the plate in front of him.

_Don’t think about it. Just stick it in your mouth and get it over with. Oh, where have I heard that before._

Adam nearly laughed at his own thoughts but realised that if people were worrying about him already…

_For no reason at all._

…then laughing to himself would not help his case.

Making his way through the rest of his dinner Adam actually joined in with the conversation around him for the first time in days. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this much a part of the group. He was surrounded by his friends and enjoying their company; he was laughing along with them. He was happy.

When they finished the meal they cleared the plates and started heading towards the dressing rooms to prepare for the evening’s performance. Michael, Matt and Danny all verged off from the group and made their way towards the exit to make a quick appearance for the fans waiting outside. Lil and Allison headed into the women’s dressing room. Megan and Anoop had disappeared somewhere between where they had been eating and where they were now.

_They’re only joking around my very-well-dressed-if-ridiculously-oversized-ass._

When they reached the men’s dressing room Todd and Scott made their way inside. Kris held open the door for Adam but Adam didn’t move to go in.

“I’ll be in in a second. Nature calls.” Adam grinned at his friend and then carried on down the corridor.

_This was fun. I’ve missed this._

As Adam made his way down the hall to the nearest restroom what he missed was the smile falling off of Kris’s face. What he missed was the way Kris flinched like he’d been slapped. What he missed was Scott’s question coming from the dressing room.

“So it’s progressed that far has it?”  
“Apparently so. I had wondered.” Kris solemnly replied  
“I think it’s time we all sat down and had a conversation don’t you?”  
“I think it just might be.”

  


**1 Week Earlier:  
**

Adam sat in Kris’s hotel room. It had been a tough show and he was tired and achy. Kris had been trying to speak with Adam about something for the past three days but every time he suggested they talk something came up. Kris had first mentioned needing to speak with Adam the day of the E! interview. He’d mentioned meeting up in Adam’s room after the concert but then there’d been a message about approaching storms and they had been forced to start the long journey to the next city straight after the concert to avoid them. Kris had apparently decided the bus wasn’t the right place for the conversation because he’d told Adam not to worry about it and they’d talk tomorrow. Tomorrow had just been brutal.

_Fucking protesters!_

Upon arrival at the venue they’d discovered a group of very vocal protesters who had not only yelled the usual bullshit about Adam, as well as a few comments about his friends, but had also accosted some of the fans coming to see the show.

_Because being rude to people is obviously the way to get them on your side. I swear, even if they weren’t talking crap they’d still be morons._

The atmosphere at the concert that night had been a mixture of in your face ‘fuck you’ determination, weary resignation, and a hint of fear. Adam hadn’t been afraid, he’d heard it all before and this time he’d been too tired to be afraid, but several members of the audience had looked visibly shaken at the busses. Michael had been in protective Papa Bear mode all night, not letting Adam, and by default Allison, out of his sight. On the bus that night Adam had asked Kris if he wanted to talk but Kris had replied by retrieving a bottle of JD that Katy had slipped him the last time she’d been on the tour. Matt, seeing the bourbon, had headed to his bunk and come back with a bottle of rum, quickly followed by Anoop and Danny revealing the beer they kept.

_Didn’t expect that from Danny did you._

Looking at the collection around him Adam had thought it only fair that he admit to the bottle of vodka he had stashed in his bag. Michael collected the cola and juice they had on the bus and they had all proceeded to get rather drunk and spend the night telling ghost stories. They’d heard everything about each others’ sexual conquests months ago so when Matt had started telling some story about a haunted bar he’d once played at they’d started in on the stories. Yesterday…well…yesterday everyone had been just a little bit too hung-over to do anything other than grumble and sleep. So here he was, sat in Kris’s room waiting for Kris to finish in the bathroom.

A knock on the door jolted Adam from his musings. Before he’d even managed to get out of the chair Kris had emerged from the bathroom and opened the door. Kris moved to one side and Adam was surprised to see everyone enter. Anoop, Megan and Matt sat on the bed. Scott and Lil took the two remaining chairs. Todd sat on the arm of Scott’s chair. Michael and Danny sat at the foot of the bed. Kris sat against the wall pulling Allison next to him as he went.

_What the hell is going on?_

Everyone was looking at Adam.

“Umm guys?”

Everyone glanced around before settling on Kris but it was Danny who spoke up.

“Adam this is in intervention.”

_What the hell?_

Kris glared at Danny.

“What Danny means is…Adam…well” Kris rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Adam you need help.”  
“What?”  
“Adam…” Anoop started  
“Guys I’m not on drugs.”  
“Of course you’re not.” Scott sounded shocked at the suggestion. “Adam this isn’t that kind of intervention.”  
“Well then what is it?”  
“Baby,” Adam turned to look at Lil. “You’ve got a problem with what you’re eating.”

_Umm….no I don’t._

“Guys, I know I got a little bit big there for a while but I’ve been working on it and I know it’s going slow but I’m losing weight. Not a lot, but I’ve lost a bit, I can feel it. I just need to lose some more. It’s cool.” Adam explained rationally.  
“That’s not what we…Adam…man, you’re not big.”  
“I’m a little big Michael. But I’m dealing with it.”

_It’s working as well. My costume needed to be taken in the other day. God that felt good._

“You’re not dealing Adam. You’re not eating!” Kris stood up as he spoke. He started to pace. “You’re tired all the time, you’re not able to concentrate, you can’t stand up without getting dizzy. That is not dealing!!”  
“Kris man sit down. You’re scaring Ali.” Matt motioned to Allison who was sitting snivelling on the floor by herself. Kris didn’t get the chance to move back to Allison as Megan slipped off of the bed and pulled Allison into her arms.

Kris rubbed a hand over his face and sat on the end of the bed.

“Adam, remember when I walked in on you last week?”

Adam nodded at Anoop.

“Dude, you were so thin. I could see the outline of your ribs.”

_Well I can’t!_

“That’s not always a bad thing Noop.”  
“Not if it’s natural no. But we all change in the same space Adam and a few weeks ago I couldn’t see any sign of them.”  
“You been checking me out?” Adam forced a smile onto his face to try and lighten the mood.  
“No one loses weight that quickly if they’re doing it sensibly.”  
“You didn’t need to lose any weight to begin with!” Now Kris was sounding indignant.

_God they just don’t get it._

“Look guys, I know what I’m doing.”  
“No offence man but I really don’t think you do.”

_For fucks sake leave it alone._

“And what would you know about dieting Michael. You wouldn’t know a healthy meal if it hit you in the face.” Adam snapped.

_Shit did I really just say that? Fuck. Apologise!_

“Adam!”

“Leave me the fuck alone Gokey.” Adam stood to get up

_That’s not apologising. What the fuck are you doing? Get the hell out of here before you say something you’ll really regret._

Adam started to cross the room to the door. Lil jumped up and stood in his way.

“Adam, baby, please just listen to us.” Adam looked at the worry in her face and backed down a little.  
“Lil, sweetheart, please get outta my way.” Adam tried really hard to keep his tone soft. He knew he towered over Lil and really did not want to seem threatening.

_But I need the fuck out now._

Lil shook her head and held her ground.

_I’m fucking trapped. My stupid fucking friends and I can’t fucking get out. _

A hand on his arm had Adam spinning round and pushing away at the person who had grabbed him.

Kris stumbled backwards before tripping over his feet and landing on his ass. Adam could hear the gasps around the room.

_Shit_

He moved forward to help Kris up.

“Kris, dude, I’m sorry.”

Kris didn’t even look at the hand Adam was offering. Instead he glared up at Adam; a look of hurt, sadness and a hint of fear on his face.

_You did that. You put that look there._

Adam looked round the room for some form of help. Everyone, apart from Allison who had her head buried in Megan’s shoulder crying, just looked shocked.

Adam took a step back from Kris, put his hands in his pockets and looked at the ground.

“I think I should leave.”  
“Not yet.” Kris’s determined voice cut through the room. “You really need to see what we see Adam. We care about you even though you’re being an ass and we can’t watch you continue this way.”

Michael, Danny and Anoop stood up. Michael held his hands out placatingly. Danny looked at Adam apologetically. Anoop look incredibly unsure. They started to walk towards Adam.

Adam looked for help from Matt who was still sat on the bed and saw that he looked like he was about to cry. Frantically looking around he could see that Lil was now in Scott’s arms and Todd had somehow slipped past Adam and made his way over to Kris.

“Guys what are you doing?” Adam started to back away.  
“Is this really the right thing to do? It doesn’t feel right.” Todd looked at Kris.  
“I don’t know. I just don’t know.”  
“Is what the right thing?”  
“Adam we’re not going to hurt you I promise.” Michael looked sad as he approached.

_What the fuck is going on!_

Adam had backed himself against the wall.

_Shit. SHIT!_

A gentle but firm hand grabbed Adam’s arm. Adam tried to pull it away.

“Michael get your fucking hands off of me.”  
“Adam please, we just want to show you something.” Danny’s voice was huskier than normal and Adam recognised the brutal tiredness that had been present in his eyes his final week on the show.  
“Well then show me. Showing doesn’t involve touching!”

Adam was pulled away from the wall and hands on his back, as well as Michael’s on his arm, moved him over to the full length mirror. Allison could still be heard crying behind him.

_What the HELL is going on!_

“Adam we need you to remove your top.” Adam glared at Anoop in the mirror.  
“Like fuck you do!!”  
“Adam please.” Michael’s gentle pleading did nothing to ease Adam’s mind.  
“No fucking way.”

Adam was getting angry again. How dare they push him around like this! They were meant to be his friends.

_Maybe they never really were._

“When was the last time you looked at yourself?” Kris spoke from where he was still sat on the floor.  
“Like I’d fucking tell you.”  
“Adam!” Lil admonished.

_I’m completely surrounded. They’re all in on this! I’m completely trapped._

It became very apparent that Adam was not going to remove his top. Suddenly Adam felt hands on the buttons of his shirt.

_What the fuck._

He pushed the hands away.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Adam yelled.  
“You need to see yourself. You need to see what you’ve become!” Danny yelled back.

The hands returned. Adam went to move them again but his arms were grabbed in a gentle but vice like grip.

_Fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!_

Adam started to panic. He started to struggle.

“Let me go right the fuck now.”  
“Adam please.” Michael’s voice was gentle and calming but Adam’s panic was overriding everything else.

Adam continued to struggle. Trying to pull away from the hands that were frantically trying to open his shirt Adam succeeded only in ripping off several of the buttons and speeding along the process.

Adam heard the calming words Michael was repeating and the rushed apologies Danny was mumbling but they didn’t register.

_Please don’t do this. Please PLEASE don’t do this._

Adam was now crying while still struggling to get away. Normally he’d have been able to pull away as Michael really wasn’t holding him that tight as he didn’t want to hurt him. But Adam wasn’t at full strength. He wasn’t even at half strength.

“Please stop. Danny please don’t. Please don’t pleasepleaseplease. FUCKING LET ME GO!”

In his panic Adam hadn’t heard Allison’s cries for them to let him go. Nor had he seen her rip herself out of Megan’s arms and run to the group. He hadn’t felt her scratch at Michael’s back or pull Anoop away. He also hadn’t noticed Kris gently move her, whispering that everything would be okay, before depositing her on the bed with a now crying Matt. Moving back to the group at the mirror Kris slipped in front of Adam and gently pushed Danny’s hands away from Adam’s now fully open shirt.

Placing his hands either side of Adam’s face he started speaking calming, soothing words. Adam couldn’t understand most of what was coming out of his mouth but he recognised the tone and against his will let himself begin to be calmed by it.

_Please just let me go._

“Please let me go.” Adam’s voice sounded tiny and broken even to his own ears.  
“Adam…sweetheart…sshh shh shh.”  
“Please.” Adam looked Kris straight in the eye. “Kris please.”

Kris wiped away the tears that were trailing down Adam’s cheeks.

“We will I promise, we will. Please, just do one thing for me first. Please do this one thing.”

Adam slumped in the arms that were now supporting him rather than restraining. He had no fight left in him. Leaning back onto the body behind him Adam nodded in resignation and closed his eyes.

Kris lent up and pulled Adam’s head down. He gave Adam an incredibly tender kiss on the forehead and then moved to the side. He pulled Adam’s shirt open. Moving his hands to Adam’s torso he looked at Adam’s reflection in the mirror.

“I need you to look at yourself for a second darlin.”

Adam wearily opened his eyes and met Kris’s in the mirror. Adam moved his eyes to where Kris’s hand was resting on his lowest, and clearly visible, rib.

“These,” Kris gently pressed on his rib, “should not be visible. Adam look at what you’re doing to yourself!”  
“I just wanted to be attractive.”  
“But you are. You’re beautiful. You always have been and you always will be.”  
“No I’m not.”  
“Adam, dude, I’m as straight as they come but even I can see you’re attractive.” Anoop’s voice came from behind him.  
“If I were gay I’d totally do you. You’re bitchin hot.” Matt sniffled from the bed causing Allison to giggle.

Adam just shook his head in denial.

“I know it’s hard for you to see. But darlin, this isn’t healthy. You’re hurting yourself here.” Kris hadn’t moved his eyes from Adam’s since they’d joined in the mirror. “Please don’t make us watch you kill yourself.”

Adam couldn’t hold Kris’s gaze anymore so he closed his eyes. He could feel the tear tracks on his cheeks.

_I’m just so tired._

“Can I go now?” His voice was so quiet it was barely heard. Kris sighed.  
“Okay. But please.” Adam felt a touch on his face and opened his eyes again. “Please think about what we said. Please think about what you’re doing to yourself.” Adam reached a hand up and touched Kris’s with his own.

_I’m so confused. Better make sure you hold onto your shirt and the remains of your dignity and get the hell out of here._

Adam nodded at Kris and then quickly made his way to the door. He didn’t look at anyone as he left the room. Leaning against the closed door he heard the conversation coming from the room.

“Do you think we did the right thing Kris?”  
“I don’t know Ali I really don’t know.”

Gathering his wits Adam stumbled to his room. He locked the door behind him, collapsed on the bed, and let the tears fall.

**   
**

** 6 Days Earlier: **

  
Adam lay on his bed. He hadn’t moved since he’d collapsed there the night before. Looking at the clock he noted that he had another 2 hours before they had to head to the venue. 

_How are you going to face them?_ 

Adam hadn’t seen any of his friends since the intervention… 

_Ambush_ 

…the night before. He didn’t want to see anyone. 

_It still hurts that no one’s come to check you’re okay. Maybe they’re just giving you space. Or maybe they’ve given up caring. Last night Kris said they cared. Last night they attacked you. They were just trying to help. You’re a fucking fat pussy if you believe that, they just don’t like you. Kris does. Allison does. Allison doesn’t know any better and Kris likes everyone, they don’t count!  _

Needing to stop his thoughts Adam crawled out of bed. He moved slowly knowing the wooziness that would come with the movement. He looked at the selection of teas and coffees for a minute before choosing one. He picked up the kettle and took it into the bathroom to fill it up.

Standing in front of the sink Adam caught sight of himself in the mirror. 

_Holy fuck!_ 

His makeup had run down his face and his hair was sticking up in every direction. 

_I look like a zombie. I look worse than a zombie. Zombies would run in the other fucking direction if they saw me coming._ 

Grabbing his makeup remover and the cotton pads Adam started to scrub harshly at his face. He rubbed so hard that he left red marks all over his skin. The stinging helped him focus. When he’d finished Adam looked at himself again. 

_You don’t look any better._ 

His eyes looked sunken into his head. His skin looked papery and pale. All life seemed to have seeped from his eyes. 

_I look old. I feel old._ 

Not wanting to see any more Adam looked away. 

_A shower will help._ 

He took the kettle back into the bedroom and without thinking started boiling the water. 

_I thought we were going to shower._ 

Moving over to the bed Adam started to remove his clothes. 

A knock came from the door. 

_What are you going to do now?_ 

Adam stared at the door but didn’t answer. The quiet knock came again. Adam didn’t move, he barely breathed. 

“Adam?” 

_Kris._ 

“Adam I just want to know that you’re alight?” 

_Of course I’m not._ 

“Adam I need to know you’re alright?” 

_Shit._ 

“Adam please!” The gentle pleading was almost enough to make Adam answer. He moved quietly to the door and gently placed his hand on it as if he could gain some strength from Kris’s presence on the other side. 

_You’re a fucking idiot._ 

“Okay…well I’m going to be in Matt’s room if you need anything. That’s 209.” Adam lent his forehead against the wood. “Anything Adam…I guess I’ll see you later.” 

_And won’t that be fun!_ 

Adam heard Kris’s footsteps as they moved away from his room. 

_Come back. I’m sorry._ 

Adam moved away from the door. He was starting to feel really light headed. 

_That’s because it’s been nearly a day since you ate anything._ 

He moved to the nearly boiled kettle.

_A drink will solve that._ 

Pouring himself a cup of jasmine tea Adam made his way back into the bathroom. 

_Maybe they were right. Maybe you do have a problem. Most people eat._ 

He made sure to keep his back to the mirror. 

_Most people don’t put on weight from simply looking at food._ 

Stepping into the shower Adam closed his eyes and tried to block out his thoughts  
**  
**

** 5 Days Earlier: **

Yesterday had been hard. The journey to the venue had been quiet and tense. Adam had worn a large pair of sunglasses, pretended to be asleep and ignored everyone around him. After the show he and Kris had gone straight to the airport to fly to LA for some more recording. 

Adam was currently stood in the recording booth. He closed his eyes and followed the music. 

“Cut!” A voice came through the speakers. 

_Fuck._

Adam opened his eyes and looked at the faces in the studio. 

“You were behind the music again. Start again.” 

_Fuckity fuck fuck._ 

This was the 6th time Adam had had to start over. He just couldn’t seem to keep up with the track. He couldn’t seem to keep up with anything. All the sounds around him were beginning to blur together. Adam blinked trying to keep the world straight. Gradually everything came back into focus. 

“…E minor into D on the 3rd beat.” The voice stopped for a second. “Are you even listening to me?”  
“What. Yeah….umm…can you please repeat what you just said?” Adam tried to look contrite but he was pretty sure all he was managing was tired and confused.  
“Never mind. Take an hour for lunch. Get some fresh air and then come back here focused and act like a fucking professional.” 

_And here come those diva rumours again. God I just want to sleep and never wake up._ 

Adam put the headphones down, left the recording booth, grabbed his jacket and made his way to the car park. Pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket… 

_I can’t believe you’ve taken up smoking again._ 

…he leaned against the wall of the building. Lighting his cigarette Adam pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled the familiar number. 

“I have an hour. Come pick me up.”  
“Look to your left. I’m already waiting.” 

Spotting the blue convertible Adam made his way over. Adam saw Brad look him up and down. 

“Shit bitch where the fuck did the rest of you go?” Adam saw the genuinely shocked look on his friend’s face. He climbed in the car and closed the door.  
“I really don’t want to do this now.”  
“Yeah well, you can’t always get what you want.”  
“But if you try sometimes you might find you get what you need.” Adam leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. 

_It’s just too much effort to keep them open most of the time._ 

He felt the car pull into the road as he started to fall asleep. He heard Brad’s mumbled comment but was too tired to reply. 

“And what you need is a proper meal.”

**   
**

**4 Days Earlier:**

_I have to eat something. Holy fuck I need food. _ 

It was the middle of the night and everyone else on the tour bus was asleep. Adam hadn’t been able to sleep. He couldn’t focus on anything but the cramps in his stomach. Getting up he made his way as quietly as possible into the kitchenette. Collecting more food than he’d eaten in the last week Adam started to eat. 

_God this tastes so good._ 

He ate a sandwich, half a tub of ice-cream, some of Scott’s chocolate brownies, a pack of Cheetoes he found, 6 slices of cheese, a spoon full of peanut butter. 

_I’m gonna be sick._ 

Adam rushed to the toilet.

**   
**

** 3 Days Earlier: **

Adam stepped off of the lift after his set. Kris pushed past him to get into his opening position. 

_He didn’t even look at you._ 

Adam banged his hip into something and stumbled. He caught himself on one of the stage supports and looked at what he’d hit. There was a small table with a selection of food on it. 

_Well that’s new. Is that a Twizzler?_ 

Adam reached out to grab the banana that was there. He held his hand over the fruit thinking about it. He was just about to pick it up when a hand grabbed his arm and started pulling him backstage mumbling about costume changes.

  
**2 Days Earlier:**

Adam saw the story online that said he was on drugs. A ‘source’ had revealed how he’d been so high at a recent recording session that he’d not been able to focus or sing properly. 

_Well it’s not calling you a diva but_… 

Adam was hiding out in his bunk. He’d barely spoken to anyone since that night in the hotel. He’d avoided everyone as much as possible. 

_You’re hiding. Of course I’m hiding. I didn’t mean from them. Shut up!!_ _Think about what they said._ 

Adam moved his hand to the hem of his T-Shirt. Reaching inside he ran his hands up his torso. 

_Maybe you have lost a bit too much weight. _ 

Adam ran his hand back down and rested it on his stomach. 

_Or maybe not. There’s definitely still fat there._   
  


** 1 Day Earlier: **

Adam sat in the dressing room while the others were out giving interviews. He still wasn’t allowed to do any press and the others were telling everyone that he was sick and using all the extra rest he could get. 

_I’m growing fond of the quiet._ 

The door opened and Allison walked in. She locked the door behind her. Adam looked at her warily. 

“I’m not going to yell at you and I’m not going to lecture you, I just have a few questions.” Allison grabbed a chair and placed it directly in front of Adam before sitting. “I’ve only locked the door so people can’t barge in. You can leave at any time.” 

Adam looked at her face, saw the tiredness there. He saw the nervousness. 

_Ali was never supposed to be nervous with me. Never with me._ 

Adam nodded at Allison to continue. 

“Do you think I’m fat?” Adam blanched.  
“God no!” Allison nodded at him.  
“Do you think you’re fat?” Adam looked away. “You’re going to have to say it at some point. Why do you think you’re fat?” 

_Because I just am. Because everyone else is thinner. Because the world thinks I am._ 

“Because I feel it.” Adam started picking at the polish on his nails. “Because other people think it. Because compared to the popular ideal of beauty I am.”  
“That first one, that I can’t help you with. The second one, anyone who thinks you’re fat is a moron. There are people out there who think I’m fat but you know what? I don’t feel fat. Should I start believing them?” Adam shook his head emphatically. “And that third one; since when did Adam Lambert give a crap about what was the popular ideal. Since when have you ever become anything other than what you are just to suit someone else’s perception?”  
“Baby girl…it’s not that simple.”  
“It really is Adam. I just…” 

Allison stood up and moved the chair back to where it had been. She walked to the door and unlocked it. She turned back to look at Adam. 

“I just don’t understand is all.” 

Allison walked out of the room and closed the door behind her leaving Adam alone once again.

 

**   
That Day: **

“I think I need help.” 

A small smile appeared on Kris’s face at the words. Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out a granola bar and placed it in Adam’s hand. 

“We’ll talk afterwards. Eat this for now.” 

He looked over Adam’s shoulder again. The person trying to get Kris on the lift was getting more frantic. 

“You got him Danny?”  
“I’ve got him.” 

Kris leaned in and placed a kiss on Adam’s cheek before finally allowing himself to be led to his opening position. 

“You ready man?” Danny asked. 

_If you don’t admit it now you’ll lose it all forever. _

Adam straightened himself up but didn’t move away from the arms holding him. A feeling of peace had descended with the acknowledgment that perhaps he really did need someone else’s help, that he didn’t have everything under control as he always claimed he did.

“You know what Danny. I think I really am.”

 

** **

After the Show:

Adam was sitting at the table on the bus. The show had gone as well as it could given the circumstances. After eating the granola bar Kris had handed him, Lil, Megan and Allison had helped him with his costume change. The men had been conspicuous in their absence. Michael had explained, in a desperate attempt to make sure Adam knew it wasn’t because they didn’t care, that after what had happened at the intervention they hadn’t wanted to make Adam more uncomfortable than he already was. Kris had supported him through Hey Jude and again through Don’t Stop Believing. Adam had used the last of his energy getting through the song and Danny had had to physically help him off stage. 

_I never want another performance like tonight’s. I think at last I know what I need to do. I wish it were going to be that simple._ 

After the unevenness of his performance it hadn’t been hard to convince people that Adam was ill and he had been escorted straight back to the bus. He’d been given a warning from Kris that there were things they needed to discus and therefore he’d better not be asleep when the rest of them made it back. Adam had changed into a pair of sweatpants which he had struggled to keep on his hips… 

_How did I not notice this? Are you sure they haven’t just stretched? You know what, I pretty much am._ 

…and an old T-Shirt. He’d then made his very tired way back to the front of the bus and sat down. Adam had been close to falling asleep when he was woken by Anoop’s arrival. He had smiled at Adam and then made his way to the back of the bus. It wasn’t long before everyone had made their way onto the bus including Allison. She sat down next to Adam and explained that there was no way she was letting him go through any of this by himself and they would have to pick her up and carry her onto her bus to get her to move. 

_Stubborn little minx. Well at least I know she’s always going to stand up for herself. In fact, I almost feel sorry for whoever dates her. I wonder if I need to warn Archie? Or maybe I should get Cook to warn Archie, I’d probably just scare the kid._ 

Everyone apart from Kris had gone through to the back of the bus, which was suspiciously quiet, and stayed there. Usually they would have congregated back in the living area but so far no one had. They had all smiled or touched or hugged Adam as they walked past and Adam had taken strength from their show of love and support. 

_I’m amazed you didn’t scare them off._ 

When Kris arrived he sat down opposite Adam and Allison. He grabbed a pen and note pad from his bag. 

_What the hell is that for? You are a strange little man at times Kristopher Allen._ 

Adam watched as Kris stared at him. He refused to look away even though the scrutiny was making him uncomfortable. 

_I think you’ve avoided him enough this week don’t you._

Adam felt the bus start to move. 

“Part of me wants to reach right across this table and smack some sense into you.” 

Adam was taken aback by Kris’s outburst. 

_Although it’s not like you wouldn’t deserve it._ 

He noticed Allison shift next to him, leaning forward a little. He could tell she was ready to jump out of her seat and physically stop Kris if necessary. Adam felt a warm comforting sensation run through him at the knowledge that he had a friend like Allison, ready to stand up for him even against another friend. 

_But it’s good to have someone like Kris, someone who’ll kick your ass if needed. Maybe a little tough love is needed at the moment._ 

Adam pulled Allison back. He really didn’t want her going for Kris if he moved in a way she didn’t trust. Kris was strong and scrappy but he just knew that Allison wouldn’t fight fair. Allison threaded her arms around Adam’s waist and snuggled into his side. Adam wrapped his arm around her shoulder. 

“So…I don’t really know what to do here.” Kris looked sheepish. “And it’s becoming increasingly clear that you don’t either so I think we’re going to have to make this up as we go along. Alright?” 

_So we’re going straight into it. I’m not sure I can do this!!_ 

Adam didn’t think he could speak so he nodded his head instead. 

“This.” Kris flapped his note pad around. “This is where we’re going to make a list of things we need to do to get you working correctly again. Cause at the moment you’re a little broken.”  
“I’m not!”

_It speaks!_ 

“Yeah you are. Don’t get me wrong you’re fixable but you have to be willing to do a little of the gluing yourself. Are you?” Adam could feel Kris’ eyes searching his face. 

_I wonder if he’s looking for some sign that he’s wrong. That I can’t be fixed. That I’m not worth the effort._ 

“I am…I can, I think I can do this.” 

_Wow, I don’t think you were even lying either._ 

Adam felt Allison give him a little squeeze and he reciprocated. Kris studied his face for a moment and then nodded determinedly. 

“Good. Okay, so the main thing is…” 

Kris was cut off by the bus pulling to a stop. A few seconds later the door opened. The three at the table watched as Lil entered the bus carrying a bowl. Adam knew his surprise was showing but looking at his companions could see nothing more than relief on their faces. 

_So they knew this was going to happen. They’ve planned this. Of course they planned this you idiot._ 

Lil walked up to the table and placed the bowl in front of Adam. The smell of soup was easily recognisable. Lil moved away for a second before returning with a spoon. 

“It’s chicken broth. It’s freshly made. It should be light enough that your stomach can take it. I didn’t put a lot in there so I don’t want to see anything left in the morning when I come back for the bowl. And you know Kris’ll tell me you if cheated.” 

Lil then reached over and took Adam’s face in her hands. She looked him in the eye. 

“Oh baby, what have you done to yourself.” 

She leaned down and placed a kiss on Adam’s forehead before brushing his hair off of his face with her hand. She turned to Allison. 

“I told your mama where you are and she said that’s fine but you’d better get some sleep otherwise she’ll ban you from any more sleepovers. I’ll see y’all in the morning.” And with that Lil left them.

A few seconds later the bus started to move again.

“Where the fuck did she get fresh chicken from?” Adam queried.  
“We had some on our bus.”  
“Why?”  
“To eat of course.”  
“You girls eat way better than we do.” 

Allison ignored the comment and instead picked up the spoon Lil had placed on the table. She held it out in front of Adam and waved it in his face until he took it off of her. 

“As I was gonna say, the main thing we need to do is get you eating again and this seems like as good a time as any to start.” 

Kris pushed the bowl of soup forward a little so that it was closer to Adam. Adam looked at the bowl warily. 

_Well here’s the test. You gonna take it or are you going to pussy out?_ 

“I’m gonna tell her if you don’t eat it.”  
“That’s evil.”  
“Well I am an evil mastermind I’ll have you know.”  
“Oh yeah?”

_Well here goes._ 

Adam placed the spoon in the bowl and scooped up a small mouthful. He put the spoon into his mouth and swallowed. A smile appeared on Kris’s face. 

“Yeah, got a plan for world domination and everything. Step 1, win American Idol. Step 2, release platinum selling album. Step 3, rule the world.” 

Adam laughed. He also took another small spoonful of the soup. 

“I think your plan needs a little work.”  
“Yeah, but you see, I have this notebook now.” Kris again waved the notebook around. “And so I can make a proper list.”  
“Are you becoming a list fanatic?” 

Another spoon, this one slightly fuller. 

“You won’t be making fun of me when I’m ruler of the world and you have to bow down and worship me.”  
“I’ll have to bow really low to be lower than you.” 

Another spoonful. 

 “Are you making a height joke Lambert? Because making jokes about the future Master of the Universe might not be your wisest decision ever.”  
“You were only trying to rule the world a second ago.” 

Another spoon. 

“My plans have expanded.”  
“You’re a dork.”  
“You’re a dork.”  
“You’re both dorks.” Allison cut in. 

They all started to laugh. Adam’s stomach was starting to object to the food. He dropped the spoon back into bowl. 

_Well that was fun while it lasted. You just had to go and ruin the mood didn’t you!_ 

Adam looked down at his lap. Kris reached out a tapped Adam’s hand. 

“Hey, hey now, what’s the matter.”  
“I really don’t think I can eat anymore.” Adam spoke quietly. He was aware that he really hadn’t eaten much at all. 

_You’re pathetic you know that right?_ 

“Come on, you can eat a little bit more surely.” Kris encouraged.  
“I really don’t think I can. What with the granola bar you gave me earlier and all. I think if I eat more I’ll just get sick again.” 

_Oh yeah, truly pathetic._ 

“And that would sort of ruin the point.” Adam nodded but carried on looking at his lap.  
“I am trying.”  
“Oh darlin I know you are. We’re just going to have to take this slowly. We’ll just explain to Lil what happened.”  
“We could lie?” Adam suggested. 

_Well you have gotten very good at that._ 

“No.” Kris spoke firmly. “No more lying. No more secrets. Everything’s out in the open or this is never going to work.” Adam looked up at Kris. He saw the determination there. 

_He really means it!_ 

“Okay.” 

_Could it…maybe…could this really work?_ 

“Right. Back to business. We’re making a list. Number 1. You are going to eat three meals a day.”  
“I’m not sure…”  
“They don’t have to be big meals. In fact, it’s probably best if they start small. But they’re going to be regular. I’ve looked this up. Your body as well as your mind has to get back into the routine of eating. And to make sure you don’t miss a meal, because as much as you mean this now who knows what you’ll feel like tomorrow, you’re going to eat with someone for every meal.” 

_What?_ 

“What?”  
“If there’s someone there it means that you won’t be able to hide if you start to slip.”

_They’re going to baby sit me!_ 

“Kris…”  
“No Adam. We’re going to do this. And we can’t get you into a program because of the tour and because I’m pretty sure you’d never agree to that.”  
“I wouldn’t. I’m not that bad.”

_Are you so sure about that?_ 

“Maybe you are maybe you’re not. I just don’t know. So let me, let us, help you in the way that we can. Let us support you because this, man, this is going to be all you. We can support you but we can’t physically feed you. That you have to do yourself.” 

_And there’s the fault with this plan. I’m not sure I can. Kris believes you can. Kris is an optimistic fool. But do you really want to let Kris down? No. Do you want to let everyone down? No. Do you want to let yourself down? … … … No! Then you need to at least try._ 

Adam sighed and nodded again. He noticed Kris was literally writing a list in the notebook. The thought brought a smile to his face. 

_Oh yeah, he’d definitely a dork. A hot dork but a dork nonetheless. _ 

Adam watched as Kris started to make another entry into the list. 

“Right. Number 2. We are going to get you a personal chef when we get back to LA. I don’t care about the cost, I will personally pay for them…”  
“I’ll help pay.” Allison interrupted.  
“Guys you don’t…”  
“You are going to have someone in your house cooking you healthy and regular meals. I figure if you know exactly what’s in your food and you have control over it but also someone there advising you you might not worry about what you’re putting into your body. I’ll even help you pick someone if you want. This is non negotiable.” 

_He’s so much tougher than he looks. And I’m quite a bit weaker. Only if you let yourself be!_ 

“Number 3, and this is the last one, you need to talk to us. You have a bad day, you talk to me if I’m around, you call me if I’m not. You start feeling pressured, you call me. You start feeling fat, You Call Me. Is that understood?”

Adam nodded again. 

_Not like you have any other choice is there. There’s always another choice but do you really want to make it?_ 

“Right. This list. We’re both going to have a copy of it.”  
“I want one as well.”  
“All three of us are going to have a copy of it. I’ll even laminate it. But this list can be added to at any time. This, this is a work in progress.” 

_I’m a work in progress. I think I can handle that. I think I like that._ 

Kris grabbed Adam’s hand and pulled it into the centre of the table. 

“You’ve got us Adam. We’re not going anywhere. And neither are you. I’ll kick your ever lovin ass all the way from LA to Arkansas if I have to but from here on out we’re in this together you got that?” Adam had to blink back the tears that had appeared in his eyes. 

_Because they’ve not seen you cry enough this last week already. Get it together Lambert._

“Yeah I do.”  
“You got me too.” Allison placed her hand on top of theirs. 

_How did I get such good friends?_ 

“I know that Ali.” Adam pulled her closer with the arm he still had around her.  
“You got us too.” 

All three heads turned at the voice come from behind them. Anoop made his way from the bunk area followed by everyone else. 

_Seriously, I’m not sure I deserve them. Deserve them or not you got them. Try not to push them away._ 

Adam saw Matt eye the table. 

“Aww man I missed the big group hand power thingy. I’ve always wanted to be a part of one of those.” 

Adam looked at their still joined hands and quickly removed his from the pile. He could feel himself blushing. 

“You worry me at times man you really do.”  
“Oh Noop, you know you love me.”  
“In your dreams Matty.”  
“In the dreams of a lot of women actually.”  
“Moving swiftly on.” Danny quickly interrupted. “Who’s up for a movie?”  
“As long as it’s a comedy.” Allison pulled away from Adam and stood up. “I’m totally in the mood for ‘American Pie’.”  
“Isn’t that as little rude?” Danny looked at Allison unsure.  
“Dude, I grew up with this movie. It’s like…my childhood,”  
“Well now I feel old” Michael’s comment caused Adam to look at him.  
“You and me both dude.”  
“Well it makes me feel ancient. I was older than Allison is now when that film came out!” Everyone looked at Danny in horror.  
“That’s cause you’re an old man.” Allison yelled as she bounced to the couch. 

_Ah the wisdom of youth._ 

Adam felt Kris squeeze his hand one more time before moving to join the others. Adam looked at his friends for a second before getting up to join them; a smile on his face. 

_Don’t think this is going to be easy. I know it won’t but…but it doesn’t seem so impossible anymore either._

 

 

** Epilogue: **

Adam entered the restaurant and was immediately directed to a separate room.

_You’ve just entered a place where you will have to sit and eat in front of the one group of people who will always realise how hard that is for you. Why are you not more nervous?_ 

Adam had spent hours choosing his outfit for tonight. He had been feeling a little bloated, a little fat, and had wanted to look good but didn’t want anything figure hugging. Over the years Adam had built quite a collection of clothes that not only looked good but were also comfortable enough to wear when he was feeling overweight. Occasionally he had a day where he decided that it was better if he didn’t leave his house but he only allowed himself one day of wallowing before forcing himself into action. He would call Kris if he was in town and they would go out for coffee. Or he would go to the park and cute guy watch. 

_Subtly of course._

Adam had spent the past 4 years dealing with his life and learning to live it the only way that he could. It took real effort some days to not accidentally forget to eat lunch. He had to remind himself when he was in the studio that he needed more than tea with honey and a banana to keep going for 12 hours. Sure he’d stumbled a few times along the way, some worse than others. Since getting back on track there had only been one major set back. Two years ago Perez Hilton, quickly followed by the other trash reporters, had started targeting him about his supposed weight gain. After Adam found himself with his head over his toilet for the sixth day in a row he’d called Kris in tears apologising. 5 hours later Kris had turned up on his doorstep, duffle bag in hand, telling him he was staying for a month. Katy had arrived a week later and stayed for two. By the time he was alone again Adam was so busy with preparations for an acoustic tour Kris had helped him plan that he didn’t have time to worry about anything other than the lighting, costumes and arrangements of his latest songs. 

_But you’re going to enjoy tonight, you know you will. You’ve eaten healthily all week, and in this outfit you look fucking fabulous. Who says you need to put it all on show anyway!_ 

Adam was ushered through a dark red curtain and into a private room. His friends were sat around a large circular table with a revolving middle. 

_I’m always last. Why am I always last? Well, nearly last, Matt’s even worse than I am!_ 

“Late again Lambert!”  
“It takes time to look this good Noop. I bet you were ready in 2 minutes.” Adam grinned at his friend.  
“Oooo burn!” Adam grinned at Allison before moving over to her and pulling her into a hug.  
“Happy birthday baby girl.”  
“It was a month ago!”  
“And I said it a month ago when I called to see if you got your present but this is your birthday dinner so I’ll say it again.” 

Adam moved away from Allison and was mauled into a hug by Kris. As usual he ended up with Kris’s head in his armpit. 

_I really hope I don’t smell._ 

“Been too long man.”  
“That it has Kristopher.” Kris pulled Adam’s head towards him so that Adam’s ear was near Kris’s mouth. 

_I see we’re still doing this._ 

“You’re a little thin Adam.” Adam had known the whisper was coming so he didn’t jump. Instead he tightened his hold on his friend.  
“I’ve just finished a 14 country tour. There was a lot of dancing. I lost a bit of weight yes but was I stupid? No. If you want you can call Paul and confirm my story? I think he’s expecting it to be honest.” 

Adam had been more than a little uncooperative when Kris had started his search for a personal chef for Adam. When Paul had been chosen as Adam’s personal chef Adam hadn’t been the easiest of bosses, he had agreed on the idea only to get Kris off of his back. Adam had thought it was going to be a waste of everyone’s money. Not only had Kris and Allison insisted on helping but after he’d heard about the reason for the personal chef Matt had decided to chip in. Michael and Lil had expressed an interest in helping but they had families to support so Adam had refused to let them. Once his first album went platinum and his tour sold out Adam had refused all help with paying for Paul. By that time there was no way Paul was leaving; Adam was completely on the personal chef train. He seriously wondered how he’d ever done without one. But he had obviously forgotten to mention his new found adoration of Paul’s food to Kris because on Adam’s birthday Paul announced that he’d received payment for the entire year so Adam owed him nothing apart from food supplies. The next time they were in the same place, at some AI promotion, Adam had told Kris exactly what he thought of his life being controlled by a short man from Arkansas. Kris had looked him in the eye, told him to deal with it, and joined Cook in stopping Allison from helping ruin Archuleta’s good kid persona. 

_Paul has been a God send. Don’t ever forget that_. 

“You making him go on tour with you now?”  
“He offered. Apparently someone thought I lost a little bit too much weight on my last tour and paid him a year’s wage to go this time.” 

Adam pulled back to look at Kris, knowing he’d be able to tell from his face if he was Paul’s mysterious benefactor. Seeing the genuine surprise Adam turned to Allison and saw her looking smugly up at them. 

_I really should stop forgetting how sneaky she is._ 

Adam moved away from Kris and sat down in the empty seat between him and Lil. 

“I’m here now so…”  
“The party can start.” Adam rolled his eyes but joined in with the rest of the table as they interrupted Matt.  
“Matty!” Adam watched as Allison jumped up from the table and grabbed Matt into a crushing hug. Matt pulled away and grinned at her before pulled her back into the hug. Adam saw his hand moving towards Allison’s head.  
“Touch the hair and die.”  
“That’s not a very ladylike thing to say.”  
“Bull, I have so much product in my hair you move it one inch and it’ll stay that way all night. I am not going to be able to comb it out, I’d probably break the comb.” Kris elbowed Adam.  
“My little girl’s all grown up.” Adam fake sniffed. Lil patted his back sympathetically.  
“Hells yeah. I can drink now and everything.” 

_Like that’s anything new._ 

Adam noticed the looks of disbelief that appeared on most of the faces around the table. He was pretty sure it was also on his. 

“Well I mean legally. Not that I drink a lot. I don’t. I barely drink at all. But I’ve had…you know I’ve had the odd glass…the occasional bear. Hell Adam, you gave me champagne after the Idol final.”

_Oh great, thanks, thanks a bunch._ 

“You gave a 17 year old alcohol?” Adam was amazed that Danny sounded genuinely shocked.  
“Oh come on, it was one glass. Allie and Jasmine felt left out so I sneaked them a small glass each. No harm no foul.” Danny didn’t look particularly happy with the answer but dropped the subject.

Just then the waiters started bringing out the food and placing it on the table. 

“I just ordered a bit of everything.” Allison explained as she sat back down and Matt took the seat next to Anoop. 

Watching as the large quantity of food was placed on the table Adam caught Todd’s eye. Adam smiled fondly at his ex and was rewarded with Todd’s returning one. 

_I kinda miss that._ 

Adam had understood when Drake, a month after the Idol tour ended, had apologised and admitted that he simply couldn’t cope with Adam’s brand new eating disorder. He said he really liked Adam but he just didn’t want that responsibility. Adam hadn’t blamed him, he wasn’t sure he’d have stuck around if the situation had been reversed. 

_Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt._ 

So when, at the American Idol Season 9 final, Todd had asked if he wanted to do something some time Adam had agreed. They’d made a go of it for 6 months before calling it quits. There had been no hard feelings on either side just two lives going in different directions. But he missed the way that, having been there for it all, Todd could see that he was trying. And he missed their easy comfort. 

Around the table Adam could hear laughter and talking as his friends caught each other up on their lives; on their families and their careers. As soon as all the food was in front of them everyone began to dig in. When Adam didn’t immediately grab a bowl of food he noticed eyes around the table begin to turn his way. 

_Just accept that they will always worry._ 

Adam picked up a bowl of steamed rice and started to put some on his plate. He could feel most the eyes leave him. 

_God this all looks so good. Okay, here’s the plan. You take a little bit of everything and not a lot of anything. You’re working out tomorrow, you can afford to enjoy yourself tonight._ 

Adam grabbed the Kung Pow Chicken off of the table and put a little on his plate. He went to pick up the next dish, noticed it was some form of battered meat and quickly passed over it. 

_Batter is just a little too much._ 

Picking up some noodles Adam felt a hand squeeze his thigh. 

_The little shit’s still a tease. Thank you for never changing Kristopher Allen._ 

Looking over at Kris, Adam saw the proud smile on his face… 

_I can’t believe he’s still proud when I eat._ 

…and the small nod of his head. Adam smiled back at Kris. He gave the hand on his thigh a squeeze and then went back to choosing his food. 

“So Adam, what was Europe like?” Adam looked at Michael, at the genuine interest in his eyes.  
“Well you’re going to see it one day yourself but until then I want you to imagine that every state speaks a different language, eats different food, has completely different but still intertwined history, and still all drinks Starbucks.” 

Adam loved the sound of his friends… 

_My family._ 

…laughing around the table. He took it all in and laughed with them never noticing that he was eating. 

_This is my life. And I love it._


End file.
